Chaos

Words of the week:  Virginia Tech.

I spent the better part of my morning looking over the short biographies that TIME magazine has set up for the victims of the VT murders. 

Media frenzies have devoured the killers last words, words of a twisted megolomaniac, enraged enough to blame the world for all of his pain and suffering.  Narcisism, nihilism, anomie, depression, deviancy, senseless death.  They're all just words.... just words.  They are symbols for a feeling, a subjective viewpoint that to the rest of us seems black and cold, something that is just not right in the world.

Still, when I look at the crime itself.... I feel no great sense of lamentation.  It saddens me, yes, that those bright and vibrant people died.  But at some point, my mind began compensating for the senselessness.  "these things happen."  They have never happened to me - thank the gods. And they have probably not happened to you, thank whatever you like for that.  But there is a part of me, a very small part, that views this incident with a touch of normalcy.  There are times when that comes in handy - I wish that this were not one of them.  I want to feel the distress in my mind and heart.  The world is deadening my sense of good.

I can only guess about a fraction of what the families of the dead must be going through right now.  I'm too busy making sure that my work is getting done, that my notes are together for my exams, that my children are safely tucked away from harm.  And that same small part that can only observe the tradgedy in this cold, clinical space, wants to be freed from the insanity of the world.  Natural death is normal.   Accidental death is unfortunate.  But something like this.... I don't know what to think or say or write.  I feel empty and I want to invite chaos just to feel something other than empty. 

So, with that in mind, I would like to dedicate a song to those souls who died on Monday morning, in hopes that they can, in their current form (whatever it may be) invite the chaos and be freed from all of this plastic reality:

Nicole White
Maxine Turner
Leslie G Sherman
Waleed Mohammed Shaalan
Reema J. Samaha
Mary Karen Read
Julia Pryde
Michael Pohle
Erin Peterson
Daniel Perez Cueva
Minal Panchal
Juan Ramon Ortiz
Daniel O'Neil
Lauren McCain
Partahi Lumbantoruan
G.V. Loganathan
Liviu Librescu
Henry Lee
Matthew J LaPorte
Jarrett L. Lane
Emily Jane Hilscher
Rachael Hill
Jeremy Herbstritt
Caitlin Hammaren
Matthew G. Gwaltney
Kevin Granata
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak
Austin Cloyd
Ryan Clark
Brian Bluhm
Christopher James Bishop
Ross Abdallah Alameddine

Namaste to you and your family. 

SO CALLED CHAOS - ALANIS MORISSETTE

Deadlines, meetings and contracts all breached
D-days and structure responsibility

Have to's and need to's and get to's by three
Eleventh hours and upset employees

I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations and return to who I was meant to be

Hearburn and headaches and soon to be ulcers
Compulsive yearning non stop to please others

I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations at the shoes upon my feet

All won't be lost if I'm governed by my own uniqueness
Stop lights won't work, I'll get home sound and safe regardless
Won't deem me had if I'm led by my own rulelessness
My fire won't quell and I'll be harm free and distressless
Trust me

Line towing and helping, expectations up to living
Inside box obeying, inside line cutting

I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations at the shoes upon my feet
I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be wieghtless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations and return to who I was meant to be